September 6 - “ If They Listen to You”
If They Listen to You
Matthew 18:15-20
6 September 2026
Rev. Mary Nelson – First Congregational Church, UCC, of Williamstown MA
There is not, and never really has been, one monolithic “American” culture. But it is safe to say, I think, that Americans have largely lost the art and skill of singing in public together as a normal and reasonable practice that a community sometimes engages. It used to be the case that communities would sing together at some kinds of public gatherings—a town Memorial Day observance, say, where everyone sang the National Anthem—but now singing the National Anthem has become a solo performance by a so-called “good singer,” and everyone else is expected to keep silent and watch the “good singer” perform. For a generation or so, there have been only two places where it’s normal and customary for ordinary people sing together as a group, not as a performance but just as an activity that is part of the events of the day: those two places are (1) houses of worship, and (2) baseball games.
But fewer and fewer people attend religious services anymore, and in many churches (surely not here!) half the congregation stands politely for the hymns and doesn’t actually sing. And let’s be honest, baseball games have a pathetically limited repertoire. There are only so many choruses of Sweet Caroline that one can belt out with enthusiasm. Some communities, including Williamstown, are adding back the practice of singing at protests, but in many places this is still spoken of as a performance by a few, rather than a corporate act binding together the general public.
We have forgotten that the point of singing together is not to sound good—although if you can get people singing, it usually does sound good, and even folks who claim they “can’t sing” might discover that they actually can. The point of singing together is not to create a performance, it’s to create a unifying experience. Our bodies know this: singers in a choir breathe together, they move their bodies subtly to keep the beat together, and their hearts even tend to adopt the same rhythm. The point of singing together is not to be heard, it’s to listen to each other, and try to create something together that we could not create on our own. We cannot create anything together if we do not listen to each other.
The world in which we live does not teach us how to listen very well. The world in which we live often rewards (or concedes to) the loudest voice, the first to blurt out a response, the one who is most insistent that they are right (whether or not they actually are right). To survive in this world, we have to compete for attention, compete for the microphone (or make a show of demonstrating that we can talk loudly), speak first and faster and louder and with more authority than everyone else. And the only reason to listen to anyone is to debate them, to tell them they’re wrong, and to start talking again as soon as they’ve finished (or as soon as you’ve decided they’re finished and you interrupt them). That’s not really listening! If you approach conversations with anyone this way, then you are not listening.
Being in community is hard work. Getting along with other people is hard work. Church is hard work. Church is a place where we are challenged to live together with people who may fundamentally disagree with us about the way the world should work. Church is a place where we are sometimes reminded of our roles and responsibilities with the famines in Gaza and Sudan, and the rebuilding efforts in Venezuela, and the violence in Ukraine, and the homelessness of children in our own county, and the ways that climate change impacts the whole planet. Church is often the only place anymore where community members may have to be in intentional relationship with people who disagree or who hold different perspectives on life. Church is a place where we sometimes have to be vulnerable and share with others the things we’d rather not speak out loud to anyone. Church is a place where we encounter our own emptiness and maybe work on filling it a little bit, or helping to fill each other. Church is a place where we behave badly sometimes, and where we trust one another enough to call us on our bad behavior when it happens.
That’s what Jesus was talking about in our passage from Matthew. Matthew’s church knew something about bad behavior, and outright conflict, and just-plain schism. Matthew’s congregation was in the process of figuring out who they were, because they were a religious community that was evolving differently from the orthodoxy of their parent religion, and they definitely didn’t all agree on how to be whatever they were becoming. Some scholars believe that Matthew’s community had been kicked out of the other synagogues in Antioch. Disagreement and distress in this new community was right there on the surface for all to see. So it’s no wonder that Matthew includes this guide for how to deal with people who are causing conflict in the church. The unity of the community was of the utmost importance to Matthew. Matthew’s guidance for how to handle conflict is geared toward a slow, deliberate process that promotes peace. If someone sins against you, go talk to him. If he doesn’t want to talk, bring another one or two people to witness your conversation, and try again. If that still doesn’t change the situation, talk with your church community about it and enlist their help. If he still won’t listen, “let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”
Now, some hear this tax collector part and think it means that the person in question should be ostracized. That’s not what it means. Gentiles and tax collectors were shunned from mainstream Jewish society, but we have to remember that Matthew’s community was probably shunned by some Jewish groups, too, and they knew what that was like and how hurtful and counterproductive that practice is. Jesus was the one who ate with tax collectors, and reached out to the Gentiles. Jesus was the one who broke the rules when it came to who was in and who was out. In this new Christian movement, Gentiles and tax collectors and prostitutes and widows and all kinds of marginalized folks were encouraged to participate fully, welcome where they would not have been welcome in other communities of faith. In any faith community, some people are new, and need orientation and education. The Gentiles and the tax collectors had a lot to learn, and the Jewish-born maybe-becoming-Christians took seriously their responsibility to teach newcomers about the laws and stories by which they lived. “Let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” meant that the community should stick with the recalcitrant person and work to educate and enlighten him. The community should offer remediation, opportunities for restorative justice, opportunities to try again to build up relationship. This passage is about seeking peace and reconciliation and transformation, not about separating the sheep from the goats. Gentiles and tax collectors were not punished for being who they were, they were shown grace and forgiveness.
One unspoken thing we need to remember here is that this passage is about disagreement between two rational people. It’s a program of healthy interaction between two healthy people. It’s an ideal program for an ideal situation, and not all situations reflect this ideal. Jesus’s program is not about tough love, or mental illness, or excusing destructive or abusive behavior. Jesus urged patience with those who needed correction, but didn’t allow violence or unhealthy behavior to destroy his community, and we shouldn’t either. That’s why we have a Behavioral Covenant, for example, to help clarify for everyone the norms and guardrails that keep us from hurting one another.
The other unspoken thing we need to remember is that sometimes you may be the person who has wronged your neighbor. You may be the person who is not listening. You may be the person who is working so hard to get the first word and the last word and the loudest word, to explain your intentions, to justify your behavior, that you are not able to assess the impact of your actions or acknowledge that you have hurt a fellow church member—someone who is working for the same goals you are, someone who is on your team. You may be the tax collector or the sinner who needs remediation. When that’s the case, admit it! Stop doing whatever it is that is hurting your fellow member. Apologize. Then be quiet and listen, so you can learn something you clearly need to learn, and do better next time. If you want your fellow members to listen to you, you also have to listen to them. Hopefully, you’ll do this before the person needs to invite others to come with them to explain to you how your actions have impacted them.
Matthew 18 is where the idea of grace is applied in a real and everyday way. Matthew’s plan gives us a blueprint for healthy reconciliation when harm is done, as it sometimes is, because humans mess up and hurt each other sometimes. But that harm doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship, splitting off members of the body one by one. We are all given the promise of renewal through God’s grace, and the reconciliation and transformation that are offered with new life – and we’re all human, so we’re all given chances to practice showing that grace to each other and receiving that grace from one another. So at times when we do not live up to this ideal or our situation is not applicable, God still works with us to establish among us God’s beloved community. God still calls us to be companions who will sing together, and will listen to one another, so that God’s will may be done, in Jesus’ name.
Thanks be to God. Amen.